He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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