sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
