broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
