What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's rum buckets o'clock
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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