I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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