I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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