really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
