Your dad touched me again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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