I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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