Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
