you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
