i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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