I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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