Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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