We're like a lot better than the average bears
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
