I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
