my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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