Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
