she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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