so that wasnt chicken after all
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
