Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
