JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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