you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
