All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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