Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
