i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
