Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
