Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
