8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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