we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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