just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need a beard to bite.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
