she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
