dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
being pregnant is like rehab
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
