She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
