the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
