Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
