Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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