i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
