By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
3 2 1 whiskey
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
