So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
