Welp...herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
