Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
