Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
