I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
