its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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