You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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