were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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