is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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