My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
