She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
