you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
