that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
