At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
