my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
