There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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