I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
